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Get the child's attention and eye contact when giving initial requests. These are keys to getting compliance from children. 2. Use simple requests and directions. Avoid too much talking. Use only the number of words that are needed to get the point across. 3. Avoid using questions to get children to do things. Try not to ask, 'Do you want to do this?' if it is something the child has to do. Instead say, 'I need you to do this.' However, give the child an element of choice in other aspects of the activity. For instance, say, 'Would you rather do it at the kitchen table or in your room?' 4. Use the child's name, followed by your request. For example, John, please come here. 5. Whenever possible and appropriate, bend down to the child's level and be close to the child to give instructions. 6. Ignore negative behavior as long as it is minor, nondisruptive and no one can be hurt. Instead, catch them being good and enthusiastically reinforce their appropriate behavior. Never ignore noncompliance. 7. When making requests or giving directions make sure that you are close to the child. A good rule of thumb is to be within three feet of the child. 8. State requests positively. Say 'Use your fork' instead of 'Don't eat with your fingers.' Requests stated positively are more readily carried out than negative ones. 9. When a child is frequently noncompliant in a certain situation, use a brief time out period. This can be effective if calmly and consistently used. 10. Praise the child for all instances of compliant behavior. This teaches the child which behaviors you like so that the child can do them more often. Punishing bad behavior only gives the child information about what not to do. 11. Learn to observe the child's behavior closely and to notice good things the child does. You will find many desirable behaviors to reinforce and develop. Even if you comment on very small things, they can be enough to encourage the child. 12. Always give children at least a five minute warning that an activity is going to end. ( e.g.' Five minutes to cleanup kids.' ) With some children it is helpful to have a timer go off when the time is up. Having one of them help set the timer often increases their level of cooperation once it signals that time is up. 13. Ensure that disciplinary actions are not taken when the child's misbehavior or unwillingness may be caused by confusion or attentional problems. 14. Make sure that disciplinary actions are not taken when the child's apparent misbehavior or lack of willingness is due to legitimate confusion caused by unclear or mixed messages about expectations. 15. Ensure that the child is capable of doing what is asked. 16. To encourage cooperation of children, give advance notice of when you want them to do something. For example, say ' In ten minutes you need to get dressed because we're leaving.' 17. After asking the child to do something, have the child repeat the request in her own words to ensure that she knows what to do. Allow adequate time for completion of the task. 18. Respect the child's interest in play. If possible, give the child a warning and allow time for the child to finish what is currently being done. 19. Be consistent. Alternating between being firm and giving in to a child teaches them to nag, whine, cry, and ultimately to show displays of anger in order to get their way. 20. Be firm. Do not allow the child to escape a task that you know he can perform. 21. Make requests enforceable. Be sure that you can and will follow through with the request. 22. Try to deliver only one request at a time. 23. Remain calm when assisting children to resolve conflicts. Try to avoid communicating anger, irritation, or rejection toward the child. Speak softly so the children must listen carefully. 24. Keep the number of requests you make to a minimum. Only make requests that are absolutely necessary. Start with making just one request and then add on another when the child is ready. 25. Avoid making the same request repeatedly. Nagging is a form of attention that can reinforce noncompliance. 26. Only say the request once. Do not repeat requests that were given by other teachers or volunteers. Always reinforce compliance or attempts at compliance. 27. Wait five or ten seconds for the child to initiate the desired action. 28. When the child is complying, simply watch, describe the child's compliance to him, and provide praise and encouragement. ie. `Thank you for emptying the dishwasher, it is a big help` 29. If the child does not initiate a response after adequate time has passed, the child may not have understood the request. Add some additional information the second time you make the request. Simplify the request, show the child what you mean, use gestures, or use hand-over-hand assistance (depending upon the abilities of the child). 30. Avoid getting into power struggles. Offer appropriate choices to the child whenever possible. This provides the child with some control and increases the chances that she will comply. (e.g. Insist that they must be seated for an activity but allow them to choose between locations) 31. Be flexible. Gradually relax the boundaries you place on the child as she matures. Increasingly give the child more freedom and self-responsibility. 32. Use Grandma's rule: 'After you (clean up) then you can (play).' Do not allow access to the preferred activity if the child chooses not to complete the task. 33. Whenever possible, give the child a voice in setting up rules. The child will be more likely to obey them this way. 34. In stating a rule, ensure the child knows exactly what to do and when it should be done. For instance, say 'The mess has to be cleaned up before dinner.' 35. Explain the reason for a rule. This increases the chances of the child obeying it. 36. Expect the child to obey rules more readily when both you and the child benefit from the rule. If only you or other adults benefit, expect more resistance to the rule. 37. State rules impersonally to lessen resistance. Say, 'The rule is: No running in the house' rather than, 'I don't want you running in the house.' 38. In stating a rule, watch your tone of voice, manners and the words you use. All these can arouse the child toward opposition. Be calm, matter-of-fact, and relaxed when stating rules so as to signal that you are positive toward the child and confident he will follow your direction. 39. Express your disapproval for noncompliant behavior. State the adverse effect on you of noncompliance and your feelings about it. For example, say 'When you do not make your bed in the morning, it means more work for me, which makes me very unhappy.' 40. When you ask the child to do something, behave as if you expect her to obey. Never let the child sense that you expect her to do otherwise. If adults seem confident of compliance, they are more likely to get it from their children. 41. Make a direct statement instead of coaxing the child to do something. For instance, say, 'Time to go to bed now' rather than, 'I'd like it if you went to bed now.' 42. Arrange practice sessions or use simple 'fetch' requests to ensure that the child obtains a great deal of reinforcement for compliance and is more motivated to work for you. 43. Reinforce the child even if you had to help him comply. The message you want to give the child is that whenever he listens to you and does what you want, he gets lots of positive attention. 44. Use a progress chart to visually record improvement. Simply charting improvement may be reinforcing for a child. Have them help in the recording process as self monitoring is a vital step in learning to stay focused. If the child's attending is not improving reevaluate your expectations and the child's level of motivation. 45. If noncompliance is a real problem, use a little extra reinforcement in addition to your praise. This may include a small treat, access to a privilege, or time with you. 46. Reward the child for appropriate interaction, including behavior that is cooperative, compliant, friendly and polite. 47. Provide motivating consequences for compliant behaviors. For instance, use activity reinforcers or sticker reinforcers. 48. Model good behavior for the child. For some children, watching another person is the most effective way for them to learn. Do this both as a parent as well as having your child spend time with children his own age who demonstrate appropriate behavior. 49. Use other children as models whenever possible. Praise these children for their compliant behavior. 50. Praise or pay extra attention to the child if he has done a chore or followed a rule without being told to do so. 51. To encourage the child to follow through with medical procedures such as self-care routines, establish regular times for the procedures to take place. Associating them with meal times is but one example. In this manner you associate a low probability behavior (ie taking pills) with a high probability one (ie meal times.) Continue to provide encouragement and avoid negative comments. 1. Ensure a calm home environment where children are secure in their relationships with their parents. 2. Encourage the child to get plenty of exercise during the day so that a mild degree of physical exhaustion is present at bedtime. 3. Be sure the child knows what the usual bedtime is especially if there have been recent changes for the family. For instance, remind the child that bedtime is at 8:00 p.m. at the supper table. 4. Give advanced notice of five or ten minutes to allow the child to prepare for bedtime. This will invite more cooperation and less resistance. 5. A small bedtime snack can help prepare the child for sleep. 6. Night-time eating should be moderate and sensible. Avoid heavy meals late in the evening. Problem foods include caffeine such as cola, coke, chocolate, or cocoa. 7. Try to associate going to sleep with as much pleasure, affection, and relaxation as possible. Read a bedtime story, sing a goodnight song, or say an evening prayer. 8. If the child has a bath before bedtime, make sure there is still time for some quiet play or storytime after the bath. 9. A short period of no physical activity or excitement just before bedtime can help an active child slow down and get ready for bed. Make the hour just before bedtime a quiet and relaxing time. Avoid rough-housing activities or watching scary or violent television programs. 10. Teach the child relaxation techniques. Have the child do these before bedtime and whenever the child awakens in the night. 11. Have the child avoid intense mental activities before going to bed, such as heavy studying. 12. The key is to expect your child to go to bed at the same time each night. Firmly and consistently enforce the time for bed. 13. Establish a regular routine. A consistent bedtime routine is important for the establishment of a regular sleep-awake cycle. 14. Do not let the child use the bed for active pursuits but more for reading, or relaxing. The child's bed should primarily be used for sleeping. 15. Be sure to allow the child a chance to go to sleep. Do not prolong the child's wakeful state by playing, sitting, or visiting too long with the child. 16. Make it clear when you give the goodnight kiss and hug that this is the end of your interaction for the night. Say goodnight and leave the room. 17. If your child has a habit of getting out of bed after being tucked in, promptly lead her back to bed while expressing your displeasure. Remind the child that she is not permitted to leave the bedroom without permission until morning. Place a star on a chart for each night the child stays in bed. Several stars add up to a treat. 18. For the child who complains of not being tired, convey the message that you expect him to rest or play quietly until sleep comes. Send him to his bedroom and allow him to engage in quiet play so long as he stays in his bedroom. 19. Choose an acceptable bedtime based on the child's rest requirements. 20. If a child resists going to sleep, consider how appropriate the child's bedtime hour is. Children vary in their sleep needs. 21. If the child is being put to bed when she is not sleepy, try eliminate any daytime naps and/or postpone bedtime. 22. When bedtime arrives, do not allow the child to delay or dawdle unreasonably. This may lead to more serious resistance attempts. 23. If the child has a habit of hopping out of bed soon after being tucked in, be firm in promptly returning the child to bed. 24. Explain the child's bedtime routine to the babysitter. Tell the child if a babysitter will be there after the child is asleep. 25. Set up a star chart and reward the child for each night that she goes to sleep readily and stays asleep without fuss or strife. 26. Avoid sending a child to bed early as a punishment. This could set up an association between bed and punishment in the child's mind. 27. Try not to allow your child to come and sleep in your bed at night. You deserve privacy, and the child must learn to be independent of you at night. 28. If the child has a nightmare, go quickly to him and cuddle him. Parental support is the most immediate need for a child who has had a nightmare. 29. To prevent nightmares from occurring, avoid scolding or punishing the child just before bedtime. Refrain from using severe threats to get obedience. Help the child feel safe and loved during the day since this helps the child rest comfortably at night. 30. A nightmare is less likely to occur if the child avoids overly stressful and exciting activities during the day. 31. A nightmare is less likely to occur if the period just before bed is a quiet, pleasant time with warm parent-child interactions. 32. Involve children in discussions in which they face and overcome frightening objects in their dreams. This reduces the fear by providing mastery and self-control. Discuss some 'magic' thoughts they can use to trick or defeat their fantasy 'bogey man.' Some children benefit from placing a sign on their bedroom door such as 'No monsters allowed.' You also go into the bedroom with the child before he goes to sleep and, for example, look into the child's closet and say 'If there are any monsters in there, get out, Jason wants to have a good sleep tonight.' Take advantage of the child's fantasies to use them as a positive coping device. 33. Never punish a child by threatening that the bogeyman will get him if he misbehaves. This can become a very real fear for the child, particularly at bedtime. 34. Eliminate sources of fear. For instance, if shadows are creating fear, put a heavy curtain over the window. 35. Keep the bedroom well ventilated and away from as much outside noise as possible. 36. Reassure the child that fears such as a fear of the dark are normal and that together you can overcome them. Have the child generate some ideas as to what they can do in particular situations to cope with the feeling. After they have had a chance to come up with some ideas of your own. For example, in dealing with fear of the dark, suggest ideas such as putting a flashlight under the pillow, having a nitelight, leaving a hall light on, etc. 37. Some children who fear the dark can simply be reassured and they will quickly fall asleep. Others may require more prolonged comforting from you. 38. If the child is afraid of the dark, allow the child to have a night light on or keep a flashlight under the pillow for when the child needs it. 39. If the child is afraid of the dark, do not be impatient or ridicule this fear by calling it silly or ridiculous. Treat it sympathetically and respectfully. Give the child plenty of affection and assure the child that you are nearby and will not let anything bad happen. 40. Do not discourage any rituals the child may have that help the child overcome fear of the unexpected or fear of the dark. For instance, the child may arrange toys in a certain way. 41. If the child is afraid of the dark, consider having a sibling stay in the bedroom until the fear subsides. 42. If the child is afraid of the dark, consider allowing a pet to sleep in the child's bedroom. Let the child hear you tell the pet to protect them from whatever fear the child has. 43. Consult your family doctor in cases of severe sleepwalking. Sleepwalking episodes that occur one to four times a week over an extended period have been treated successfully with medication. 44. Evaluate sleepwalking by taking a careful history. Record how prevalent sleepwalking is in the family, at what age sleepwalking began, how often it occurs, how long it occurs, and what behaviors are associated with it. 45. Lead the child who is found sleepwalking back to bed. 46. With a highly suggestible child, give a direct suggestion that she will fully awaken as soon as her feet touch the floor at night. 47. Tie bells to the child's bedroom door to alert you to a sleepwalking incident. 48. Use sleep-producing drugs only after all other alternatives have been exhausted. 49. Keep an accurate history of any sleep problem. Record the beginning clues of the problem, duration of the problem, your reaction to the problem, and what has been tried to remedy the situation. 1. Remain calm when assisting children to resolve conflicts. Try to avoid communicating anger, irritation, or rejection toward the child. Speak softly so the children must listen carefully. 2. Have the child engage in physical exercise to modify or reduce his anger. Suggest that he do something which will be enjoyable versus an activity which will only increase his frustration.(e.g. a young child can throw a ball high up into the air or an older child might benefit from working out on a treadmill or exercise bike). 3. Encourage the child to talk about both positive and negative feelings. Respond tentatively by saying something like 'it seems that that you felt really angry when John chose not to play with you.' Give the child a chance to further clarify his feelings. 4. Teach the child how to describe behaviors that provoke him as well as his personal reaction. Teach the child to say phrases such as 'I was using the computer and you pushed me away from it so I got mad.' 5. Model by example. The child will often imitate the way in which you handle frustrations. ( e.g. Remove yourself from a situation if you know that you are too upset to be constructive but then return and state your concerns objectively and clearly once you feel calmer.) 6. Limit controls over the child to the most necessary ones. Avoid being too demanding by setting too many unnecessary or trivial rules. 7. Encourage the child to express minor frustrations and irritations in a socially acceptable manner. For example, have the child verbally express their irritation. You can teach this by asking 'Jason, are you mad?' and then encouraging him to put his feeling into words, 'I feel mad.' 8. Encourage appropriate expression of negative feelings.. Model and teach children to use words to express their feelings. (e.g. I feel sad when ..., I feel mad when..., I feel hurt when..., I feel left out when..., etc. ) 9. Be consistent. Alternating between being firm and giving in to a child teaches them to nag, whine, cry, and ultimately to show displays of anger in order to get their way. 10. Ignore negative behavior as long as it is minor, nondisruptive and no one can be hurt. Instead, catch them being good and enthusiastically reinforce their appropriate behavior. Never ignore noncompliance. 11. Remove the child to a safe time-out area if the child is likely to physically harm someone or something during a tantrum. After doing this ignore the temper outburst. 12. Impose a five to ten minute penalty in a time-out area in the event of a disruptive tantrum. If the tantrum continues after this period, impose additional time. 13. Never ignore a child whose behavior is dangerous to himself, others or is physically destructive. Try talking calmly to her and holding her securely until the rage has passed. Move the child to a comfortable, private place if she seems to be reinforced by the attention of others who may be present. 14. Avoid throwing a tantrum yourself. Losing your cool will only encourage the child to keep the heat on. Say to yourself, 'Why do I need to act crazy? I know that when I said no, I said it for a reason.' 15. Do not belittle the child. Just because the child had a temper tantrum does not mean he is a bad person. Avoid saying, 'Bad boy! You should be ashamed of yourself!' This will only decrease his self-esteem which will add fuel to further tantrumming. 16. Do not remind the child of the tantrum later that day. This only gives more attention to the behavior and increases the chances that the child will have another tantrum, simply to be the center of your conversation. 17. Do not make the child pay for the tantrum. Having nothing to do with the child after the tantrum is over will only cause the child to have more tantrums to try to get your attention. Do not make the child feel unloved and unwanted just because his behavior was undesirable. 18. Avoid unnecessary talking when giving instructions. USE SIMPLE CLEAR CUT DIRECTIVES. Focus on telling children what they CAN DO. 19. Ignore tantrum behavior that can be tolerated. Avoid eye contact, move away, and maintain a neutral facial expression. Refrain from any verbal response. The parent may go into another room to remove attention. 20. After the tantrum is over and the child is able to talk without getting upset again, discuss alternative problem solving strategies. Have them verbally agree to try a certain strategy next time a similar concern arises. ( e.g. walking away, asking for adult help, compromising etc. ) 21. When you see a child attempting to apply new problem solving strategies reinforce their mature approach and try to support a successful outcome. This may require stepping in and coaching all of the involved parties until they are all familiar enough with the process so that they can do it independently. 1. At this age children are somewhat less aggressive physically but they begin expressing their aggression more frequently by methods such as teasing and cursing. Although not be as physically violent, the aggression at this age can be more calculating and cruel, with children picking on each other and making fun of weaknesses and insecurities. However, due to their increasing intellectual abilities, it is easier for parents and teachers to reason with them. For example, children in their beginning years of school are ready to think about aggressive behavior in terms of how it feels to be the other person - `How would you like it if someone said that about you?` Encouraging the development of empathy and taking another person's point of view is an extremely important means of helping children develop self-control over their aggressive impulses. 2. Let a child experience the natural consequences of his aggressive behavior if the consequences are not a danger to their physical or emotional wellbeing. (e.g. If the child's playmate decides to go home or play elsewhere because they didn't appreciate the aggressive behavior, don't arrange for another child to come and play instead.)It is important for children to experience the results of their behavior. Rescuing them from the natural consequence of emotional discomfort is depriving them of an opportunity to learn about the effect their behavior can have on themselves and others. 3. It is important to remember that children have minds of their own. Increasing independence may lead them to behave in ways that disappoint, anger or frustrate their parent or caregiver. Patience and a willingness to view the situation through the child's eyes, before reacting, can help you deal with your emotions. AVOID RESPONDING with hostile words or actions. Use a NEUTRAL tone of voice that is clear about expectations and consequences. 4. Very young or immature children need adult involvement in their activities to prevent or reduce aggressive reactions. Close supervision is important. Show an interest in what the children are doing to head off trouble. Without proper supervision, children do not receive the guidance they need. Research studies indicate that unsupervised children often have behavior problems. 5. Model positive problem solving skills. Children learn much of their social behavior by observing and imitating others, particularly children their own age. Introduce them to an organized positve peer group such as cubs where they will see problem solving behavior demonstrated. 6. Model appropriate language for the child to use to express emotion, resolve conflict, and indicate frustration. Verbally cue the child when the child is using inappropriate means of communication. Provide a vocabulary list of feeling words that can be put in a prominent place. 7. Show the child how to handle conflict. Children need specific suggestions and demonstrations from adults in order to learn that there are more effective and acceptable ways to handle disagreements than physical attack and retaliation. They may choose to leave the situation, ignore inappropriate behavior which is not of danger to anyone, get help if necessary, calmly state their needs to the other children, apologize, work out a compromise that is fair to all parties ( ie. sharing, trading, taking turns etc.)Have children role play conflict situations which in which role play these various strategies could be effective. 8. Occasionally rephrase what he has told you and suggest what his feelings may have been at that point in the situation. Resist telling him how he should have handled the situation. 9. Model calm, controlled behavior for the child, particularly when you are upset or angry. This shows the child how you should handle yourself when you are upset. 10. Encourage the child to talk about both positive and negative feelings. Respond tentatively by saying something like 'it seems that that you felt really angry when John chose not to play with you.' Give the child a chance to further clarify his feelings. 11. Teach children how to solve problems with words not actions. Children often fight it out because they lack the language and social skills to talk things through. When a child learns to read, post a list of feeling words that they can refer to. 12. Teach aggression-inhibiting sentences that the child can say to himself. Such sentences may include, 'Talk, don't hit' and 'Stop and think before I act.' 13. Have the child draw or paint a picture that shows his aggressive thoughts. This may allow the child to release them in a more acceptable way. 14. If the aggressive child has good writing ability, suggest that they express their feelings in a story. 15. Teach the child relaxation techniques such as deep breathing. While deep breathing, have the child visualize pleasant, calm scenes such as vacations, beaches, and swimming. This will help the child to let go of muscular tension. 16. Have the child engage in physical exercise to modify or reduce his anger. Suggest that he do something which will be enjoyable versus an activity which will only increase his frustration.(e.g. a young child can throw a ball high up into the air or an older child might benefit from working out on a treadmill or exercise bike). 17. Actively teach empathy to the child. When you read about or see a situation in which someone has been hurt, try to talk about how that person feels. 18. Have the child rehearse appropriate behavior or language before entering a situation. Have him think about things he can do or say if a another child attempts to provoke him. This could include counting to ten, staring at the child without saying anything, or walking away. It might also include asking them to 'please stop', 19. Give praise whenever the child shows concern for the difficulty of others. 20. Reinforce behavior that is incompatible with aggressive behavior, such as sharing materials with other children, being polite, and cooperating with adult requests. 21. Try to KEEP INTERACTIONS with the child CONSTRUCTIVE. Interact with the child frequently using a positive tone of voice. Compliment them on their abilities in areas of strength. 22. Be firm, making it clear what is acceptable and what is not. Rules for appropriate behavior need to be very clear, with a zero-tolerance for aggressive acts towards others. 23. Check if you are sending mixed messages to the child about the child's aggressive behavior. If you say, 'Don't hit' but are obviously proud of their fighting abilities, the child will become confused. This can make it more difficult to develop self-control. 24. Limit access to pencil, scissors and other materials if a child is continually misusing them. (e.g. allow her to have scissors only for specific supervised activities ) Reward more responsible behavior by gradually allowing her to have these items for longer periods of time, and with fewer restrictions. 25. Avoid getting into power struggles. Offer appropriate choices to the child whenever possible. This provides the child with some control and increases the chances that she will comply. (e.g. Insist that they must be seated for an activity but allow them to choose between locations) 26. Teach the child how to describe behaviors that provoke him as well as his personal reaction. Teach the child to say phrases such as 'I was using the computer and you pushed me away from it so I got mad.' 27. With older children or if time out is not possible, take away privileges or require them to make restitution to the injured party. ( e.g. the child may not be allowed to play in a certain area at recess or they may have to redo the child's homework they scribbled on) 28. Acknowledge the child's emotion by reflecting it to the child. For example, say, 'You're angry, aren't you?' Then provide an acceptable outlet for the child to deal with the feeling. For instance, tell a child who is feeling angry, 'Let's talk about it rather than throwing things.' 29. Ignore negative behavior as long as it is minor, nondisruptive and no one can be hurt. Instead, catch them being good and enthusiastically reinforce their appropriate behavior. Never ignore noncompliance. 30. Follow through with a logical consequence for aggressive behavior. (e.g. take a toy away that they have been using aggressively or have them lose the privilege of having a friend stay longer if they are pinching or hitting their siblings.) 31. If the child has hurt someone, show empathy, concern, and compassion to the victim. Try to involve them in caring for the injured party. (e.g. getting a washcloth or bandage, picking up their toys or helping them up etc.) 32. Try to determine whether or not some unmet need may be leading to the aggressive behavior. Consider the amount of encouragement the child receives, any learning problems, and the quality of the child's relationships with friends. 33. Try to determine the circumstances which cued the child's aggressive behavior. Ask yourself what might have just happened that 'set' the child off, including your behavior, another person's behavior, or something else in the situation. 34. Avoid physical punishment to reduce aggressive behavior. Using force to stop aggression wrongly shows that it is a legitimate problem-solving technique. 35. When a child is being aggressive, stop the behavior and give the child something else to do. Suggest and help start a new activity or guide the child to a place where aggressive feelings can be discharged without doing harm to anyone or anything. 36. When the child is acting aggressively, stop the behavior, deliver a brief reprimand which describes the unacceptable behavior and tell them alternative behaviors which are acceptable. (e.g. Tom when you kick Sally it hurts her. Either sit on one end of the couch with your feet on the floor or move to the spare chair.) 37. Move physically closer to the child as a means of reducing aggressiveness. 38. When the child acts aggressively, clearly label the act and be forceful in forbidding the hurtful behavior. For instance, say, `Hitting is not allowed`. Clearly tell the child what they can do. i.e. `Ask him nicely to give you back your ball.` 39. Use other children or siblings as positive models for gentle, cooperative action. Praise appropriate behavior. However DON'T belittle one child in praising the other. (e.g. 'Carla, thanks for helping Dave. Why can't John be more like you?' ) Focus only on the positive behavior. (e.g. 'Super Carla! Dave needed your help' ) 40. Whenever the child hits someone, stop the aggression immediately. Simply tell the child, 'No hitting. That hurts. You will have to sit on a chair for three minutes. You can return when you are calm and quiet.' 41. Take the child by the hand to the chair as quickly as possible with as little attention as possible. Do not say anything else at this time. 42. Be consistent in your use of time-out. Use time-out every time the child is aggressive. The child really needs to learn the message: When I play cooperatively, I get lots of positive attention and get to stay and play. Whenever I hit, I can't play and I get no attention. 43. If the child hits again, start the whole time-out procedure again. 44. After misbehavior, once the child is calm, rehearse with them how the situation could have been handled or how to handle it in the future. 45. With older children or if time out is not possible, take away privileges or require them to make restitution to the injured party. ( e.g. the child may not be allowed to watch their favourite cartoon show or may have to loan their spiderman cape to their friend because the friends' got torn during a fight.) 46. Document aggressive acts by the child in order that you have a record when meeting with parents or other school or social service officials. 47. As soon as the child is engaged in any positive activity, praise him. For example, say `Billy, I really like the way you are looking after your little sister, you are being very patient with her` or `your worksheet is almost done because you are working so hard.` 1. To introduce students to the idea that anger can be handled positively use several balloons, a safety pin, and a pinwheel. Then say the following while performing the corresponding action: `Sometimes anger can stretch you all out of shape` (Blow up a balloon; `Sometimes it can make you whine and complain` (Let the air slowly out of the balloon so it whines); `Sometimes it can make you fly off in all directions until you run out of steam` (Blow up a balloon and then let it go flying around the room); `Sometimes you get so filled with anger you just burst` (Blow up a balloon and then puncture it with the safety pin); `But you also have the choice to use the energy from your anger productively, for something good` (Blow up a balloon, then aim its open end at the pinwheel. Ket the air out in a controlled manner so that the pinwheel turns). 2. To learn to manage anger four key concepts need to be understood 1. Anger cues (physical signs that us we are getting angry such as raped breathing, tense muscles, suddenly feeling hot or cold) 2. Anger triggers (Those things that set off our anger) 3. Anger reducers (Ways we can cool off when we are angry) 4. Communication skills (Ways we can express anger nonagressively). These apply to both children and adults. 3. Common stimuli of children's anger include being misunderstood, being ignored , being unappreciated, being belittled, being taken for granted, experiencing abuse, being unjustly challenged, misunderstanding rules, being over-challenged, living with increased noise levels. Knowing why a child is angry can help you come up with appropriate strategies. 4. Ensure that your expectations are age appropriate. Eg. Expecting a four-year-old to sit perfectly quiet for an hour or an 11 yr old to regularily go to bed at 7:30 is unrealistic. 5. Anger is present in the earliest stages of life. Similar to other emotions, the way a child's anger develops is significantly influenced by the way parents react to it. 6. MODEL responsible anger management. Children have an impaired ability to understand emotion when adults show a lot of anger. Adults who are most effective in helping children manage anger model responsible management by acknowledging, accepting, and taking responsibility for their own angry feelings and by expressing anger in direct and nonaggressive ways. 7. Learn to become an attentive listener. Listen carefully to a child who is angry. Communicate caring, attention to their needs, and the feeling that feelings and ideas matter. `Seek not so much to be understood but to understand` 8. A child that is especially defiant may be behaving this way to counteract dependency and fears of loss. A child who feels hurt by a loss may become angry as a way to avoid feeling sad and powerless. Sometimes a child's anger prompts an adult to set rules more clearly, explain matters more thoroughly, or make changes in the child's environment. In other words, a child may have learned that anger is an all-purpose red flag to let others know that something is very wrong. 9. Children need you to help formulate their feelings for them. For example, if a child is feeling frustrated, just asking him if he is feeling mad that he can't visit his friend is a good first step. 10. Use storytime and other discussion times to nurture problem solving techniques with the child. 11. Take a few moments and calmly ask the child why she is angry. Even if you already know, it's important to ask. It is helpful for children to put the reasons for their anger into words. Then, listen to the response from your child and treat it seriously. 12. Ensure that the child feels they are listened to. Anger may stem from a feeling that no one cares how they think or feel. Repeat back what you heard the child say to make sure you communicate understanding and acceptance of how the child is viewing the situation even if you don't necessarily agree. It is not up to you to provide a solution. They will feel better even if you just listen and empathize. This does not mean that you take side! It means that you indicate to them that you understand their feelings. 13. When children feel inadequate in coping with a situation, when they do not know what the situation requires them to do, they feel frustration, often leading to anger. Describing ahead of time what you expect, what they can do in a particular situation, and what is going to lead to the best results can often be effective in dealing with frustration. For example, if you are taking your child to a family reunion, take along plenty of toys they can play with other family members, organize games for them, spend some individual time with them, even if only for a few minutes. Help them to organize their time by verbalizing things they can do. 14. Regularly praise a child when you see him dealing with his irritation/anger in appropriate ways. For example, ` I know it was hard for you when I was on the telephone for so long, thank you for waiting for me` 15. Attempt to use a neutral tone of voice when expressing anger. It encourages children to listen and not be as easily turned away. 16. Watch for times when the child is `talking herself through` the anger and encourage this behavior. 17. Don't diminish the reason for a child's anger or minimize it . Avoid saying `That's nothing to get mad about.` As an example you might want to `I can see why you'd get mad about that. It's hard to wait for our turn when we want to play on the swings.` 18. Time away is a version of the popular concept of `time out` used in dealing with anger in children. Isolating an angry child may only make things worse, yet circumstances often warrant the child's taking a break in order to cool off. Time away with the parent or teacher means going away with them in order to talk about their anger. 19. Provide physical outlets for anger such as running, climbing stairs, dancing, walking. 20. Reactions to illness, frustration, tiredness, medication, or stress can mirror the responses of anger. Yet these reactions can easily be addressed through relieving the hunger, tiredness, frustration, treating the illness or changing the medication. If indeed the child is hungry, your response will be different. 21. Never ignore a child whose behavior is dangerous to himself, others or is physically destructive. Try talking calmly to her and holding her securely until the rage has passed. Move the child to a comfortable, private place if she seems to be reinforced by the attention of others who may be present. 1. Teach a child how to deal with anxiety by modeling calm responses. It shows the child that it is possible to respond to something that has scared him in ways other than anxiety. 2. Be consistent with children. Parent or teacher inconsistency leads to confusion and anxiety in children. Life becomes an unpredictable and scary series of events. 3. Do not expect perfection or set your standards too high. Such expectations directly lead to anxious reactions in children. 4. Show acceptance of the child's anxiety. Do not blame or criticize the child for being anxious or upset. 5. When the child expresses worry, accept his concerns. Assure him those feelings are normal and will pass. Suggest some strategies which might help him to manage his worry should it get out of control.i.e. playing a familiar game, watching a familiar tv show,talking with someone else who has had a similar experience,reminding themselves of other times that they have managed their worry successfully. 6. Avoid criticism. Intense criticism from adults or friends leads to tension and worry. Children begin to anticipate criticism and doubt their ability to do anything capably;whether it be learning a new skill or practising an old one. 7. Model by example. Anxious parents very frequently have anxious children. Children observe and imitate parents who handle situations with tension or concern. Instead practise modeling calmness and confidence that things will work out when you are upset or dealing with difficulties 8. Prepare the child to cope adequately with a situation by having her think of possible courses of action. Children are very responsive to 'what if' games. Asking the child what she would do under various circumstances prepares her to cope adequately. 9. Teach the child how to measure his or her feelings. Have them start by rating their level of anxiety or worry on a 1 to ten scale, where 1 is feeling no anxiety or worry at and being very relaxed while 10 is feeling extremely anxious, to the point of being panic stricken. The child can give himself any number between 1 and 10. This alone may decrease anxiety by giving the child a sense of control over his situation. It also acts as a yard-stick of level of anxiety in different situations. 10. Promote gradual risk-taking in situations the child finds threatening. i.e. first encourage her to look at a dog, next to stand by you while it is in the yard, then to stay with you when you pet it and finally to pet it on their own with you by their side. Don't force a child to do something that frightens him. 11. Self-confidence is gradually strengthened by repeated experiences of success. Make sure that tasks and chores are a good match for ability levels so that children succeed. 12. Explain that thoughts and fantasies are natural. This will help the child feel less worried and more comfortable talking to others about strange or scary thoughts. 13. Encourage positive fantasies and accept all thoughts. This prevents anxiety and aids self-acceptance. 14. Strive to provide a secure, nonthreatening atmosphere for the anxious child. Foster reassurance. For example, say 'Many people feel very upset and get through it.' 15. Avoid arguing with the child. Be sensitive and show that you care. You may feel helpless, but do not underestimate the power of a firm but calm presense. 16. Assure the child that many problems in life are to be expected, handled, and forgotten. This reassures the child who sees every event as a major crisis. Tell them that learning how to problem solve well is just like learning to ride a bike or skateboard well; you get better at it with practise. 17. When tension builds, encourage the child to read a good book, listen to music, look at artistic works, or do some creative activity such as drawing or pottery. 18. Have the child exercise or engage in any new or enjoyable activity. This can help combat anxiety. 19. Have discussions with the child that encourage the expression of feelings. Begin discussions with open-ended questions such as, 'How do children feel when teachers are too strict?' 20. When anxiety is very intense, frequent or lasts a long time, seek professional help. This is especially important if parental efforts to help have not reduced the child's anxiety. 21. Always be honest with the child about what is to happen in new situations. 22. Prepare the child for transitions from one activity to another and changes to daily routine. Let the child know what your expectations of appropriate behavior are in the new situation. 23. Rehearse appropriate behavior or language to use in a new situation. For example, if a child wants to meet a new child who just moved into the neighborhood, practice how he might introduce himself and ask questions of the newcomer to make him feel comfortable. 24. Reward the child for using a calm voice and rehearsing strategies when dealing with a stressful situation. 25. Tutor the child in test-taking to make sure that the child can show what he really knows without being anxious. 26. Avoid exposing the child to frustrating situations. Be alert to the emergence of frustration. Gradually increase exposure to anxiety-provoking situations, giving a good deal of recognition whenever the child shows some mastery of the anxiety. 27. To help prevent anxiety, encourage self understanding as well as understanding the needs of others. Spend regular one-on-one time with the child. Go out for walks together or make visits to the library. Encourage the child to talk about their feelings surrounding their friendships, family, and school. Children need to hear themselves talk. An understanding adult who doesn't try and jump in with too much advice can be very helpful to get them being comfortable discussing personal feelings. 28. Show the child how to analyze a stressful situation and help the child in figuring out what to do. Teach the child that some situations require quick decision making whereas others require a more relaxed and patient approach. 29. Teach the child relaxation techniques such as deep breathing. While deep breathing, have the child visualize pleasant, calm scenes such as vacations, beaches, and swimming. This will help the child to let go of muscular tension. 30. Teach the child to stop saying negative or anxiety producing comments to himself such as, 'I know something terrible is going to happen.' Have then substitute positive self-statements that they can practice out loud and then say silently such as, ' I will take five deep breaths, relax and feel better.' 31. Give the child practice rehearsing verbal responses which decrease their impulsivity. The child can be taught to say 'Stop and think,' 'Calm down,' or 'What should I be doing?' Praise and support the child when uses these phrases to calm down and engage in purposeful activity. 32. Stay calm if the child screams, cries, paces, or panics in any way. Very anxious children need reassurance from calm, firm adults. 33. Suggest that the child let go of worries. Have the child choose one specific area of concern and try to resolve it if possible. 34. Try to desensitize the child to situations that produce anxiety by breaking the activity into smaller parts. Have the child participate in these smaller activities in a modified way if necessary. Slowly and gradually increase your expectations for participation. Provide reinforcement and reassurance. 35. Reinforce the child for participating in previously anxiety-producing activities or tasks. 36. Encourage the child to identify the problem, discuss solutions, and review whether these solutions have been previously successful. Ask the child, 'What's the problem? What will you do? Will this plan work?' 37. Firmly redirect the child if she keeps talking about anxiety-producing topics. Say, 'It's not time to talk about that now. It's snack time now so you need to think about that.' 38. Ensure the child is getting enough regular physical exercise. Doing things with the child provides the parent with a good opportunity to talk things out. Activities might include going for a walk together, swimming, a bike ride, or joining a community activity group. 1. Understand the events that trigger depression in children. These include death of a family member, parental separation or divorce, a chronic medical condition or disability, remarriage of parents and adjustment to a blended family, move to a new neighborhood, starting at a different school, or physical or sexual abuse. It could also be triggered by the loss of a pet. Children who show signs of depression may also come from families with a history of depression in the parents. 2. Monitor changes in behavior which often accompany feelings of depression. Be alert to withdrawal, problems at school, and loss of interest in activities. Also watch for any changes to the child's eating, sleeping, and studying habits. The child may also be verbalizing feelings of pessismism, guilt, worthlessness, helplessness, irritability, excessive crying, or chronic aches and pains that are persistent. If you are uncomfortable dealing with this, speak to your family physician or child's pediatrician as a first step. 3. Show curiosity if you think a child is feeling down. Ask open ended questions such as `Is there something going on that you feel bad/unhappy about? Can you tell me about it` or `I see a big unhappy/sad face. Is there anything I can do to help?` 4. If you sense the child feeling down, acknowledge her feelings by saying something like `You look very sad today, can we talk about it?` It is first of all very important to validate or accept the child's feelings. Once you communicate understanding and acceptance you can carefully move into helping the child generate some possible alternatives to dealing with his problem(s). In this way you encourage an active rather than a passive approach. 5. Tell the child that feelings of anger and sadness are things that everbody experiences but they are usually temporary feelings that go away. Further explain that talking about your feelings with someone you trust is a good way of dealing with them. 6. Teach the child how to measure his or her feelings. Have them start by rating their level of worry or sadness on a 1 to ten scale, where 1 is feeling no worry or sadness while 10 is feeling extremely worisome or sad. The child can give himself any number between 1 and 10. This alone may giving the child a sense of control over his situation. It also acts as a yard-stick of level of depression as experienced in different situations. 7. When going through a difficult family time, let the child see your feelings, whether they be those of sadness, anger, grief, guilt, or loneliness. It may help the child put his own feelings into words and show him that discussing feelings during a difficult time is important and helpful. Use words that the child can understand and relate to. 8. Ensure the child is getting enough regular physical exercise. Doing things with the child provides the parent with a good opportunity to talk things out. Activities might include going for a walk together, swimming, a bike ride, or joining a community activity group. 9. Encourage friendships. While depressed children often withdraw from family and friends, encourage them to maintain contact with others. Friendships not only fill lonely hours but also prevent a depressed child from feeling completely alone and different. Friendships also generate healthy feelings of being loved and accepted and offer crucial support to a person in emotional crisis 10. Ensure there is a balance between giving the child time to be alone and spending time in positive interaction. Tell the child that it is okay to want to spend time by ourselves when we are feeling sad or down but it is also important to keep contact with our friends. 11. In attempting to deal with persistent feelings of sadness, don't overindulge the child. Enforce the usual discipline and be consistent. Continue to expect the child who is depressed to do things around the home to help the family, such as basic chores. 12. Be aware of any signs of continuing feelings of helplessness. These could be in the form of what the child talks about. Included in this would be a feeling that they are somehow inferior or inadequate in comparision to other children, that no one will ever like them, and being continually worried over making mistakes. They might also be trying to hard to be to gain acceptance from their peers. Conteract these negative feelings with postive replacement thoughts. For example, `we all make mistakes, that is how we learn to do things better`. There are a number of good books in this area to help. Also consider meeting with a psychologist or psychiatrist trained in cognitive behavior therapy. 13. Your basic aim is to help children become independent, positive thinkers who can cope with feelings of depression and anger. It is best to acknowledge that such feelings exist and each of us must learn to cope with them. Encourage them to give themselves a pat on the back when things go well and/or they learn a new skill. 14. Tell the child that negative self-talk makes things worse. Teach the child how to say positive things to herself. You can help make up positive self-statements for the child. 15. Set challenging but attainable goals and expect the child to experience a level of success. If the child did not experience success, perhaps it is too difficult and needs to be adjusted. On the other hand, perhaps the child needs encouragement to know that he can succeed. 16. Praise the child whenever she shows initiative in trying to deal with her problems, rather than using a passive approach. 17. Grief should not be hidden or covered up. Feelings of grief should be expressed and sympathetically discussed. The way children express their grief is also highly individual. While some children may show tears or cry, others need time to themselves, or to be given physical affection by their parent. 18. A depressed child will not likely do well on timed-tasks because of problems with concentration. Be more flexible on the amount of time they are given to complete a task. As well break up long assignments into shorter segments. 19. Support the child in becoming independent. Children enjoy the feeling of competency they get from knowing they can take care of their own basic needs. 20. Determine whether all components of the child's school life is going well. Do NOT subject the child to repeated failures and defeat socially or academically. Ensure that they are experiencing at least some feelings of success. 21. Play a 'complete the sentence' game with the child. For example, have the child complete some of these sentences: 'I would like to ______; I am happy when _______; I am sad when _______; It makes me angry when ______; I am scared when ______.' This is an informal way to help your child open up and talk about feelings. 22. In the classroom, seat the depressed child near the teacher and make a special effort to involve the child in class actitivies. Try to have the child assume specific tasks such as passing out papers to keep the child alert and interested. Keep the child too busy to brood. 23. Pay close attention to the seating arrangement. Place a student who is at risk of being isolated in the front of the room, next to classmates who will be supportive. 24. Use cooperative based work groups in class. Rotate partners every two to four weeks ( or sooner if conflicts arise). Carefully select the partners for a socially isolated child. Choose students who are tolerant of individual differences and who will put an effort into supporting each others learning. 25. Comment positively on any social interaction between the child and his classmates. It may be something as minor as the child sitting closer to his peers during group time or really attending to another student's story. 26. Have lunch with a socially isolated child and two or three other students. Discuss interests which they all have in common. 27. Say hello to the student in the halls. Provide encouragement and understanding in stressful situations. 28. If you sense that a child is feeling down or discouraged, approach two or three other teachers and have them approach the child at different times of the day or week to offer encouragement. 29. Involve the child in planning future activities. This sets up the expectation that the child will participate in the event when it occurs. It also gives the child the opportunity to look forward to something. 30. Directly ask very sad children if they have ever thought of hurting themselves. The question does not put ideas in their minds. It demonstrates concern and willingness to face and discuss any feelings. 31. Take seriously any talk about hurting oneself, no matter how casual. Consider the reasons why your child might talk about hurting himself. Be calm. Try to get them to talk about their feelings. If this talk persists or if they engage in behavior which is potentially self injurious contact a health care professional for advice. 1. Give a fearful child acceptance and understanding. However, make it clear that you do not share the fear. 2. Let the child know that it is okay to be afraid and that fear is a normal reaction that we all experience occasionally. 3. Tell the child that it is okay to talk about being afraid. By sharing how the child feels about what scares her, she is less likely to develop distorted ideas. 4. Teach a child how to deal with anxiety by modeling calm responses. It shows the child that it is possible to respond to something that has scared him in ways other than anxiety. 5. Avoid frequently emphasizing 'what might go wrong in situations.' This promotes a worried, fearful approach. Pessimism is contagious. 6. Do not simply ignore the child's fear or you rob him of badly needed support. 7. If you feel comfortable doing so, tell the child about your own experiences with fear. The fact that you have also been afraid helps reassure the child that being afraid does not mean weakness and it does not have to be embarrassing. 8. Let the child know that most emotions are often temporary. Tell the child that negative emotions such as fear, do not last forever. This sets up an expectation of success and hopefulness. 9. Avoid overemphasizing or continuously discussing the child's fears. 10. If you are showing fear in the child's presence, take immediate action to reduce it. Children are greatly influenced by your reaction. 11. Discuss situations that cause children to be afraid. Allow them to have the feeling without making then feel inadequate. Suggest that fear is a very common emotion that is experienced by everybody at one time or another. 12. Do not reinforce the child's fear by over-attending or acting as though the fear is real. If you do not reinforce the fear, it should disappear in time. 13. Gradually exposing the child to events that he finds stressful on a frequent basis will help him overcome his fears. It will also help to normalize them. However If the child senses that you are afraid for him or are trying to protect him, this may serve to strenghthen his fears. 14. Use role-playing. Have the child act out the feared activity in the protected presence of a teacher or parent. When the child feels comfortable role-playing in this environment, have the child try the behavior in the actual situation, or in some less threatening but similar situation. 15. Teach the child relaxation techniques such as deep breathing. While deep breathing, have the child visualize pleasant, calm scenes such as vacations, beaches, and swimming. This will help the child to let go of muscular tension. 16. Give the child practice rehearsing verbal responses which decrease their impulsivity. The child can be taught to say 'Stop and think,' 'Calm down,' or 'What should I be doing?' Praise and support the child when uses these phrases to calm down and engage in purposeful activity. 17. Discuss the fact that there are events in which a real danger is present and fear is appropriate. Discuss possible ways of avoiding these types of situations as a way of dealing with our emotions such as fear and anxiety. e.g. Avoid being out alone at night, when going to a public playground take a friend or parent along, walk to school with a group etc. 1. Encourage a healthy self-esteem by providing lots of positive feedback. Avoid put downs, ridicule, and sarcasm. 2. Emphasize the positives. Recognize and praise the child for their strengths and accomplishments. 3. Listen to and respect the child's ideas and opinions even if you do not agree with them. 4. Instill in the child the fact that nobody's perfect and that all people have different strengths and weaknesses. 5. Avoid giving false praise. Children feel worse if they believe you are lying to make them feel better. 6. Teach the child to use positive self-talk. Instruct the child how to think, 'I'm okay, I can do it' instead of 'I'm no good, I'll never do it right.' 7. Encourage the child to ask questions when confused. Praise the child when she shows initiative in this area. Establish a positive feeling about asking questions. 8. Teach the child that being yelled at does not mean that you are a worthless or bad person. 9. Teach the child that doing your best is a real definition of success. Dispel the belief that you must win to please others and yourself. 10. Children feel worthwhile when they know they are loved unconditionally. They are secure in the knowledge that even when you are angry with them you still love them. If you are unhappy with something they've done criticize the behavior not the child. ( e.g. say:'That was not a good thing to do.' vs. ' You're a silly child.') 11. Openly and sincerely express optimism to the child. Focus on the positives instead of the weaknesses. 12. Don't expect perfection. Rather, expect and support gradual improvements in their abilities across all areas of development. 13. Have the child spend time with a good role model such as an aunt or uncle, friend, Big Brother, or Big Sister. 14. Discuss the feeling of being proud of yourself; of knowing that you have done your best or made the right decision even if it was tough to do. Have the children talk about times when they have felt this way.i.e. Telling the truth about soing something wrong. 15. Communicate warmth, acceptance, and caring to the child frequently through your smile and your voice. 16. Listen attentively when the child communicates personal concerns or experiences to you. Offer support, encouragement, and assistance where possible. 17. Be particularly attentive to the child whenever he speaks to you. Try not to be distracted, or have your attention diverted by other children. If he knows that you are interested in what he has to say, he is likely to be more communicative. 18. Send unsealed notes home with the child periodically, making favorable comments about the child and the child's schoolwork. 19. If the child puts in a good effort, consider scoring the child on the basis of what was accomplished rather than the total assignment. 20. Have the child participate in cross-age activities. This often boosts the child's self-esteem and heightens the feeling of being a positive contributor. 21. Boost the child's self confidence by identifying and reinforcing the child's strengths. For example, have her demonstrate in gym, help out in art, or show another child how to do a math problem. 22. If a child at school needs extra encouragement, have two to three teachers independently go up to the child at recess and or lunch breaks and pay special attention to him. This is especially important if the child is not getting a lot of postive feedback from his peers. 23. Avoid making the child spend too much time after school and in the evening struggling with homework. Children need free time to play, relax, and pursue other activities they can be successful at in order to maintain a healthy balance in their lives. 24. Teach material at the child's level. Do not force the child to do work that is too difficult for him. Continual failure will lower the child's self-esteem and discourage the child from trying. 25. Move into new areas of instruction gradually. Always review past material so that the child can experience some degree of past success. 26. Keep a folder of the child's completed and corrected work. Review the folder regularly, pointing out successes. 27. Do not humiliate a child in front of peers or in public. Try to be calm and matter of fact when discipline is required in these situations. When praising a child publicly do so in a way with which the child is comfortable. 28. Give immediate feedback to the child to maximize progress. Discuss the child's progress with him. Fill out an assessment sheet daily or weekly. 29. Sitting in a circle, ask the children to share with the group something that they enjoy doing and that they do well. 30. Have the children bring to class five tangible objects that symbolize some past successes that they have had. Have each child share one or more success symbols with the rest of the class. Instruct the children to share the feelings and meaning connected with their objects. 31. Ask the children to form small groups. Tell them that each person has five minutes to brag about anything, such as awards, skills, or personal characteristics. 32. Dispel any false or overgeneralized belief that the child has, such as, 'I failed once, so I'll never try again.' 33. Arrange for VIP (very important person) days where one person is the center of attention. 34. Have each child create a self-portrait. Have them reduced and duplicated on a photocopy machine and use them in place of name tags to identify the children's projects and papers. 35. If a child is sick for an extended period, have the class make a gift for them. A giant 'We Miss You!' card may help them feel important and make their return to school easier and more positive. 36. Ask the children to share one area in which they feel confident enough to teach another person. This may include a hobby, skill, sport, or musical instrument. 37. Have older children prepare readers for younger children. Have them make up their own stories using vocabulary found in early grade books. 38. Praise improvement, but do not expect perfection. For instance, say, 'I can see that you're trying very hard to finish your work.' Keep praise free of qualifiers. (e.g. 'Not bad. Why can't you do that all the time?' or 'Your room looks terrific, finally.') 39. Place the number of correct questions the child has at the top of the worksheet rather than the number wrong. This emphasizes the positive. 40. For a child weak in academics, focus not only on remedial work but on developing personal and non-academic strengths. Encourage the child to participate in activities such as sports, crafts, music, cooking, or clubs. 41. When the child develops some confidence in reading an easy book, allow the child to read it to younger children, such as those in kindergarten. Reading to younger children can raise confidence and provide additional reading practice. 42. If the child is shy about volunteering answers in class, ensure that the child will be successful on questions directed to her. 43. If the child has a very negative attitude about school, engineer some positive confidence boosting experiences. Have the child help with such activities as photocopying, sorting materials, running errands for the teachers, and setting up chairs. 44. Send notes or emails home to parents to stress positive growth. 45. Have the child tutor younger children in the child's area of competence. 46. Ask the children to draw a picture of the things they do that make them feel good about themselves. 47. At the end of each day, have the children briefly share with the rest of the class the successes or learnings they have experienced during that day. 48. Instruct children to create a collage entitled 'ME!' They should collect and cut out pictures, words, and symbols that are representative of themselves. 49. Have the children draw a picture or write a story about things they can do to make them feel good about themselves or make others feel good. 50. Designate an area in the classroom for a 'Proud-Of' bulletin board where individual and group work is displayed. Polaroid pictures of the children next to their correct homework, stories, poems, drawings, and paintings are also very reinforcing. 51. Construct a magic box which reflects in a mirror the face of anyone who looks inside. Ask the children, 'Who do you think is the most special person in the world?' After giving them time to respond, give each child a chance to look inside the box and discover the answer to the question. 52. Keep tasks short enough so that the child feels a sense of satisfaction and is interested enough to continue. The child likely needs success experiences. 53. Ensure that there are a number of people nurturing the child's self-esteem. Loss of approval by one person is less threatening when there are various other adults and peers who are actively showing their support. 54. Determine whether all components of the child's school life is going well. Do NOT subject the child to repeated failures and defeat socially or academically. Ensure that they are experiencing at least some feelings of success. 55. Allow the child to teach a game or skill to another child. 56. Schedule 5 to 10 minute conferences with each student as frequently as possible. Spend the time to give the child positive feedback, being as specific as possible. 57. Recognize a child's expertise on certain topics and provide them with opportunities to shine in front of their classmates. 1. Do not insist that the child's obsessions are wrong. 2. Avoid using harsh criticism. This can lead the child to give up trying to change behavior before she has a chance to see symptoms improve. 3. Some children who have obessive thoughts want to stop thinking about them. Have them keep a diary and write their thoughts in any degree of detail they wish. 4. Teach the child relaxation exercises to help her cope with the anxiety of overcoming an obsession. 5. Advise the child to distract herself when experiencing intense and disturbing obsessions. Have the child seek out company, start a conversation, or make a telephone call. Generally, demanding and active activities are more effective than activities such as reading and listening to music. 6. Have the child exaggerate troublesome thoughts. For example, if the obsession is about doing harm to a family member, then ask the child to think or imagine the worst possible scenarios related to that theme whenever the unwanted thought occurs naturally. 7. Instruct the child to get the troublesome thought and keep it focused in his mind. Ask the child to dwell on the thought, without losing it, for long periods of time. 8. Another useful way of ensuring prolonged exposure is to ask the child to repeatedly write out the thought for long periods of time. 9. Teach the child to silently shout 'STOP' and snap a rubber band around the wrist when the child first becomes aware of thinking the obsessive thought. 10. Have the child record the unwanted thought in the child's own voice and listen to it on tape. Listening to this tape helps expose the child to the thought for a prolonged period. 11. Participate in a constructive and enthusiastic way when helping a child with obsessions or compulsions. Take the approach of being joint problem solvers. 12. If a child is obsessing about a particular topic such as a an impending war or world crisis, restrict access to the media that may be reinforcing those kinds of thoughts. Carefully monitor their reading and television habits. Provide them with books for materials to divert their attention on to other subjects. 13. Do not provide reassurance for obsessions. Answer a reasonable question once and only once. After that, simply say 'We have already discussed that.' 14. Children with obsessions and compulsion usually have a number of misconceptions in their thinking. Ask the child why she thinks it's important to have to wash her hands several times several times a day or before she opens the door. She may feel that the door handle is contaminated and she will get ill. Point out that other people in the family do not wash their hands before opening the door and they are doing fine. 15. Be sure that you understand exactly what obsessions or compulsions the child is having, and how they relate to each other. Do not assume you understand fully. A mental health professional can be of help. 16. Consider having the child seen by a professional trained in Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT). This is a combination of behavior therapy and cognitive therapy. Behavior therapy may involve teaching the child how to relax and encourage the practice of other behaviors such as exposing the child more directly to what he fears while providing support. Cognitive therapy involves attempts to change distorted thinking and beliefs. 17. Parents are encouraged to share information about their child's medication with teachers and provide occasional progress reports. Even if a child's OCD is not active at school, teachers should be informed that treatment for OCD can effect the child's ability to learn. 18. A student with an obsession/compulsion to count words in every line that she reads can be provided with books on tape. 19. A student with a symmetry obsession who needs to erase his work over and over because it doesn't look quite right could use a computer for his work to alleviate his difficulty. 20. A student with a germ obsession-compulsion can be encouraged to carry a packet of liquid soap in his pocket to wash his hands when needed. 1. Discuss a variety of feelings such as anger, happiness, frustration, fear and sadness. Describe your experiences as a child and adult where these emotions came into play and how you dealt with them. It's also okay to share times when you didn't cope well but indicate what you learned from the experience. 2. Read stories that describe feelings. Show pictures and help the children identify what feelings are expressed and ask about what may have caused them. Your local librarian can also be helpful in identifying suitable reading materials. 3. Acknowledge the child's emotion by reflecting it to the child. For example, say, 'You're angry, aren't you?' Then provide an acceptable outlet for the child to deal with the feeling. For instance, tell a child who is feeling angry, 'Let's talk about it rather than throwing things.' 4. When dealing with a child who has intense emotions about a particular subject, keep as calm and as relaxed as possible. When reflecting back his feelings, practice using a very neutral expression and do not allow yourself to also reflect the same intense emotions. e.g. If a child comes home from play and is very angry about the way he was treated by a playmate, encourage him to talk about his feelings without you expressing the same emotion. This teaches the child that emotions can be controlled and managed and not everyone has to be feeling the same thing at the same time. 5. For the school aged child who has difficulty expressing emotion have them describe their feelings using a mental rating scale from 1 to 10. '1' might represent being very unhappy and '10' represent being very happy. They can be asked at different times of the day where they rate themselves. Explain that a '5' is neither happy nor unhappy and that a '2' means becoming quite unhappy whereas an '8' means feeling very happy/satisfied. This method often gives the child a feeling of greater control over his emotions by self-monitoring his own feeling state. The child can also be asked to write down his ratings in a diary to be discussed at a later time if he wishes. 6. Some children will benefit from keeping a jornal or diary. They can keep a written record of daily activities as well as recording their feelings and emotions. This is a good way to give them a feeling of control over their emotions. 7. Use a variety of words to describe feelings. Often an individual's 'feeling' vocabulary can be quite limited. Rather than just using the word 'upset' for a negative emotion introduce other words such as embarrassed, angry, unhappy, jealous etc. depending upon how you perceive the child to be feeling. In the same way use a variety of words to describe positive emotions such as happy, proud, excited, relieved, content etc. 8. Talk about the signals the body gives that suggest the child is having a strong feeling.These might include sweaty hands, stomach pains, headaches, tension in the arms and/or legs etc. 9. If you feel comfortable doing so, tell the child about your own experiences with fear. The fact that you have also been afraid helps reassure the child that being afraid does not mean weakness and it does not have to be embarrassing. 10. Tell the child that it is okay to talk about being afraid. By sharing how the child feels about what scares her, she is less likely to develop distorted ideas. 11. Let the child know that most emotions are often temporary. Tell the child that negative emotions such as fear, do not last forever. This sets up an expectation of success and hopefulness. 12. Have the child identify his feelings by instructing him to say, 'I feel _____.' Discourage the child from saying 'You made me feel_____'. e.g. Rather than say 'You made me feel mad when you wouldn't talk to me' have the child say 'I felt mad when you wouldn't talk to me.' 13. Discuss situations that cause children to be afraid. Allow them to have the feeling without making then feel inadequate. Suggest that fear is a very common emotion that is experienced by everybody at one time or another. 14. Discuss the fact that there are events in which a real danger is present and fear is appropriate. Discuss possible ways of avoiding these types of situations as a way of dealing with our emotions such as fear and anxiety. e.g. Avoid being out alone at night, when going to a public playground take a friend or parent along, walk to school with a group etc. 15. Suggest to a child that they deal with the feeling of being left out of an activity by either finding another activity to join in if appropriate or by doing something else such as inviting a friend over to play. 16. Discuss the types of feelings that result from being left out, such as anger, frustration, rejection, or hurt. 17. If the child needs to talk to an adult about something that is bothering her, have her decide who to talk with and when. Tell her that she may choose to talk with a parent, teacher, school guidance counsellor or friend. Instruct her to choose a good time to ask the person or offer to help set up a meeting time for the child and the adult. 18. Teach the child to nicely say 'I need to talk' when the child needs to speak with someone about something that is troubling him. Ensure that the child feels free to approach adults to discuss ways of handling a problem or to talk about the feelings associated with a situation. 19. Stress that everyone experiences problems sometimes. Let the child know that although talking with someone may not solve the problem, it may help her feel better. 20. Teach children to be sensitive to other people's body language and sense of personal space. 21. Discuss how to decide if you have positive feelings about someone. Talk about people the children might want to show affection toward such as parents, peers, grandparents, and siblings. 22. Talk about things the children might say to friends, parents, relatives or teachers to show affection such as saying, 'You're a great teacher'. 23. Discuss kind things that could be done for someone to show caring (e.g. making a birthday card for a friend in the class). 24. Talk about appropriate times to show affection (e.g. when the person is not busy). 25. Reflect a child's feelings back to her ( e.g. 'you looked thrilled with your new bike, I can see that you think it's pretty cool!) 26. Use one-on-one time with a child to briefly describe your feelings about things that are happening for you, e.g. How you are feeling about your work, your friendships, and leisure activities. This acts as a good role model as well as deepening your relationship with the child. 27. If a child displays considerable anxiety about an upcoming event discuss how the anxiety might be dealt with through planning ahead. If it is test anxiety encourage the child to complete assignments and have homework done as well as doing extra reviews. If they are anxious about visiting a relative, discuss what things might be done to make the visit more enjoyable such as taking things along to play with, planning to stay for a short period of time, and/or planning for something rewarding to do after the visit. Consider writing the ideas down on a piece of paper for slightly older children or have them make their own list. 28. If a child tends to worry considerably, have them discuss their specific worries and the worst case scenario. Once they have discussed the worse case scenario encourage them to generate ideas as to how they might handle that situation. If a child is worrying about failing a test, have them describe what is the worst thing that might happen and how they would deal with it, i.e. they might have to stay in noon hours to study or miss recess. Strategies might include approaching the teacher for extra help, ask the teacher if they can rewrite the exam after some extra study, request a tutor, etc. Having strategies in place takes the edge off the worry and presents itself as a positive coping strategy. 29. Play 'Feelings Charades.' One child takes a turn acting out a certain emotion and the other children try to guess what it is (e.g. scared, happy, sad, surprised, etc.). Older children can do this in pairs with one child acting out a feeling and the other acting out another feeling which would be an appropriate response to the first child's behavior (e.g. scared/comforting, surprised/happy, etc.) 1. Common stressful situations for school age children may include taking tests at school, feeling slow, unattractive, feeling pressure to make good grades, making and keeping friends, feeling jealous, competing with others in games, arguments with parents or friends, not getting along with a teacher, being criticized, worrying about a changing body, being easily embarrassed, taking on more responsibilities around the home, and being excluded from activities and friends. 2. Teach the child the importance of starting off each day with a good breakfast. Eat breakfast yourself and have a variety of healthy options that are fast and easy to make and eat. Vary the options from week to week to help maintain their interest and appetite. We can all get tired of eating the `same old thing` day in and day out. 3. Teach children the importance of getting an adequate amount of sleep each night, in order to feel well rested the next day. 4. Children look to their parents or other adults as models for how to respond to difficult circumstances. Set a positive example. Avoid responding to current news in ways that are highly emotional or overly dramatic. Reactions such as these may upset children. Keep informed but don't dwell at length on the latest news events. Children will be more comfortable with responses that are emotionally balanced. 5. Talk about how children feel when they are tense. They may feel jittery, sense tightness in some part(s) of their body, their hands may start to sweat, or they may just feel warm all over. Encourage them to describe their feelings when they sense they are tensed up. Use a visual image such as a rubber band and describe what happens to it when it gets stretched. 6. Teach the child relaxation techniques such as deep breathing. While deep breathing, have the child visualize pleasant, calm scenes such as vacations, beaches, and swimming. This will help the child to let go of muscular tension. 7. Pretend to give each child an orange in each hand. Have children tighten their fists to squeeze all the juice out of each orange, then both together. Then have the children drop the pretend oranges and shake the juice from their hands. 8. Discuss mistakes you have made. Encourage the children to talk about mistakes they have made. Use humor, if appropriate. 9. Have children volunteer to share their most embarrassing moments. Children will be especially eager to have a parent or teacher share some of their experiences. 10. Instruct the children to say 'It's okay to make mistakes. Everybody makes mistakes.' 11. Have the children plan how they could avoid making the same mistakes again. Ideas include taking more time, asking for help, and asking a question. 12. Talk about how making a plan before trying a difficult task may help prevent mistakes. Encourage children to make a plan using words or pictures. Post the plan in the classroom or at home so the child has easy reference to it when needed. Use pictures to illustrate plans for prereaders. 13. If a child is having a problem with another child, encourage her to talk to the child in a friendly manner. Practice with the child ahead of time what they might say. It is not necessary for her to be overly friendly but she should be polite and considerate. 14. If a child approaches you about minor peer conflicts, ask 'How can I help you to deal with that?' 15. Help the child understand and say that 'Everybody can't win.' Point out how ridiculous it would be if everyone won the game. 16. Affirm that it is normal to feel disappointed at not winning. Discuss the feelings that children have when they do not win. 17. Encourage the child to say, 'Maybe I'll win next time' in a hopeful and optimistic manner. 18. Point out to the child that it is okay to feel disappointed after losing. However, let the child know that continuing to think about the disappointment may only lengthen the amount of time they feel upset. 19. Whenever possible, introduce cooperative activities instead of competitive ones. Cooperative games teach more positive skills. 20. Teach children to tell themselves, 'It's okay not to be first.' Put an emphasis on children giving their personal best in a situation. 21. Talk about what children would miss if they quit the activity because they were not first, such as the pleasure of playing a game or participating. 22. Initiate a child of the week program in which one child is chosen to share things about himself and gets to be the line leader and first at activities. Another related activity is to choose children to perform certain specific classroom duties on a daily basis. 23. Discuss the differences between being told to do something and being given a real choice about whether or not to do something. Share that adults sometimes word commands as requests e.g. `Would you please come in for supper?` probably really means, `Come in for supper now`. Tell them to listen for at least two clear options when they think that they are to make a choice. e.g. `Do you want to have supper now or after your show is over?` 24. Teach the child to make choices which reflect his interests and desires. For example, have him decide whether or not he wants to go to the park with his friend. 25. If the child decides not to do something, have the child think about his reasons. These may include wanting to do something else or feeling it may cause trouble or hurt. 26. Stress the importance of being polite when saying no. Point out that the child might also want to give the reason for saying no. 27. Brainstorm the possible reasons children might be told no in various situations. e.g. someone could get hurt, different rules in different settings, could disrupt others' activity, rude, inappropriate time, etc. 28. Discuss the fact that even though the child is told he can't do or have something, the child can still have fun by doing something else. 29. Stress that children can ask `why`, in a nice manner, if they do not understand the reason for being told `no`. Emphasize that using a pleasant tone of voice is very important; otherwise the child's questions may be interpreted as arguing. 30. Have the children make lists of things they enjoy doing on index cards. Place the cards in a card file box to be used when the children complain of nothing to do. Place the cards under headings: e.g. indoor play themes, outdoor activities, manipulatives, games, books, art, music etc. When they come to you saying `I'm bored` - refer them to their file box of activities. 1. Seat a child with frequent attending problems in the middle of a grouping of quiet students with good work habits. 2. Students with persistent attention problems need to sit away from distractions such as: classroom pets, pencil sharpeners, ventiliation systems, etc. They may benefit from having their desk as close to the teacher's as possible. 3. After asking the child to do something, have the child repeat the request in her own words to ensure that she knows what to do. Allow adequate time for completion of the task. 4. Help to focus a child's attention by saying their name at the beginning of your request for them to do something. ( e.g. Sean, remember to wait your turn. ) 5. When introducing a new lesson in class, stand near the child. This will cue the child to focus his attention on the task from the outset. Move away from him as you progress through the lesson, but return to a position close to him periodically. Involve him in the lesson by asking questions which check for understanding. 6. Let the child know that you realize he may have trouble paying attention. Have an agreement that you will give them a secret sign when it is a problem. (e.g. pointing to your ear or nose, thumbs-up etc.) 7. Highlight or outline workbook material to improve the child's ability to focus. 8. Ensure that activities and language levels required to do a task successfully are a match with the child's developmental abilities. Remember that the child's attending skills will be much better when the child understands what is required. 9. If needed, provide additional information to the child to focus their attention. (e.g. 'look at the little flowers under the log vs. look at the flower) 10. Use gestural cues. For example, point to your own face if the child needs to attend to you, or point to the picture in the book if it is the book the child needs to look at. 11. Ask the child to repeat requests, but give a framework. For instance, say 'I want you to listen for 2 important things, then I'm going to ask you to tell me what those things are.' This encourages good listening skills and ensures that the child understands and remembers what has been said. 12. Encourage the child to ask questions when he is confused, and praise him when he takes the initiative. Establishing a positive feeling about asking questions or asking for repetition is essential and will be irreplaceable as he progresses through school. 13. Use records, tapes, and other tools that have earphones. These help to develop the child's ability to listen and understand, while shutting out conflicting sounds. 14. When the child is required to change tasks, prepare the child for the change. For instance, say 'We will be finishing reading in five minutes. Then it will be time to do the workbook or novel study questions.' 15. Use a simple question to help the child to regain focus. For example, ask, 'What are you supposed to be doing?' or 'How are you doing with the addition problem?' This helps draw the child's attention back to the task. 16. Discourage toys in the desk as these may be distracting. 17. Break a task down into several steps and write these out on a piece of paper. Use a highlighting pen to visually frame the part of the task the child is to complete before checking with you. 18. Have the child sit in front of the classroom or close to the chalkboard. This helps to minimize distractions and allow a clear view. Avoid placing the child near high traffic areas such as close to the door or pencil sharpener. 19. Catch the attention of the child and class by pantomiming the instructions. 20. Use prerecorded directions to encourage the child to focus attention. 21. When teaching lessons, be sure that all desktops are clear and all hands are in sight. 22. Minimize distractions in areas by using dividers and special lighting to help focus attention. Maximize the attractiveness of tasks through the use of hands-on materials which appeal to the children's appreciation of color, texture, smell, sound and novelty. 23. When students are asked to copy from the board, use different colored chalk for each line or different sections to help them atttend to the whole message. 24. Separate new information into short clear sentences. Check frequently for understanding. 25. When the child is expected to perform two skills simultaneously, such as listening and writing, try placing the emphasis on just one skill area. ( e.g., Allow the child to highlight a copy of the teacher's notes while listening to the lecture.) 26. Parents need to be informed as early on in the school year as possible if their child has persistent problems attending in the classroom. Arrange a meeting with them and find out if they are noticing similar problems at home. Avoid making any assumptions that these difficulties are largely behavioral or due to a lack of maturity. Establishing a partnership with parents early and identifying strategies greatly increases the chances for school success and positive self-esteem. 1. Respond to the child's pain in a prompt and caring manner, providing something practical for them to do. For example, for a child who has just received a cut say something like `That cut looks like it really hurts, let's run some cool water over it to make it sure it get's clean, and help it to feel better`. 2. Inform the child, at their level of understanding, as to what is happening in their body. For example `You have had a bad fall, and your body may be hurting. Please don't move yourself. I am going to cover you with a blanket to keep you warm`. 3. Acknowledge the child's level of pain being careful not to minimize or deny it. If the child is complaining of stomach cramps you could say something like `I can tell your stomach is hurting right now. Do you want to skip going to the library and just have some quiet time here?` 4. Make physical contact with the child in a way that is best for both of you. Depending upon your child's temperament, age, and the nature of your relationship you could hold hands, stroke the child's back or arm, or put your arms around them to give them a sense of protection. It can often be difficult to find the right words to express comfort and physical contact allows you to express support in another way. 5. Children often feel isolated by their pain. This can be frightening as well as lonely. Staying with the child makes the experience of pain much easier. Even if you don't know the `right words`, being with them can be extremely helpful. 6. Keep the child informed about what positive steps are being taken to deal with her pain. If you are in a hospital emergency ward saying something like `the nurse is talking to the doctor about what kind of pills for your pain would be best` can be reassuring. 7. Children need to be provided with a sense of hopefulness. Pay careful attention to the words you use, the way you express them, the amount of affection you give, and the feeling that the child's discomfort will cease. Hope can be instilled by affirming religious or spiritual beliefs through prayer or talking on the phone to someone special. 8. Have the child do something to help the pain go away. Teach them deep breathing, visual imagery, bubble blowing, and other methods of relaxation. Have them read a favorite story that provides them comfort. Remind them of how much better they feel when they do one of the above. 9. Attempt to keep your own anxiety under control, since it may directly effect how your child is perceiving his own pain. Learn to relax by doing deep breathing. Speak in a calm manner. Also, speak slow and clearly when explaining things to them. 10. Become an attentive coach for your child as he attempts to master his pain. Focus on and comment on positive things the child is doing to deal with his discomfort. For example say something like `Sitting still like that and practicing your deep breathing is a good way to begin feeling better.` 11. Keep up a sense of hopefulness by reminding your child that the pain will lessen. When the pain does ease, ask your child what he did to make things better. This reinforces a sense of control. 12. Be flexible in finding a method that works for your child. Be prepared to experiment and have the child select the one they think works the best. 13. Don't allow yourself to get discouraged, if your first attempts to help your child deal with his pain, appear to be unsucessful. Keep trying new methods and make sure you give them enough time to work before you or your child decide they don't work or shouldn't be used. Sometimes we need to practice a pain managment strategy several times before it becomes effective e.g. viusal imagery or deep breathing. 14. Encourage regular daily practice of pain management strategies. This will increase the benefits to your child as well as reinforce their importance and value. 1. As a teacher, know your own feelings about death. Know your own spiritual beliefs and how life's losses effect you. What makes you comfortable/uncomfortable about death. 2. The best thing to say is to be simple and straight forward. Consider such things as `I am sorry about your father's death.` `I heard about your mother's death and I want you to know that I am concerned and want to help you, if I can.` `I hurt with you.` `I don't know what to say.` 3. Avoid saying `If you need anything, let me know.` Children may often not have the energy to come to you to ask for assistance. If they do come to you, allow them time to talk about the death and to repeat their feelings, as repetion is part of the healing process. 4. If you talk with the child, share with them that these are your beliefs but that each person has his own belief system. Avoid getting too complicated in your explanation or beliefs. Don't be afraid to evoke tears. It is better to cry with the child than to say, `There, there, don't cry.` 5. Assist the child to unburden his feelings. Get them to talk and express themselves. They need to express their loss through protest, despair and detachment. Share your own experiences when appropriate especially your own difficulties in accepting death. 6. When a child loses someone close to him, such as a parent or close relative, his first concern may be `Who will take care of me know?` Maintain your usual routines to the fullest extent possible. Show caring and affection and assure the child that those who love him still do and they will take care of him. 7. Children will most often not know what appropriate behavior is for the situation. Encourage the child to express her feelings by modeling appropriate responses. Avoid suggesting how one should feel but discuss how people in general feel during times of loss, for example, say something like `Some people feel sadness, while others feel fear or lonliness while others feel mad.` Indicate that some people feel like crying while others like to be quiet and spend time by themselves or be with a close friend or relative. 8. Keep your child's teacher up to date on major changes/losses in their life.( eg. separating or divorcing parents, an upcoming move, a serious illness or death in the family). If you feel too overwhelmed to share the information designate a close friend or family member to keep the school informed. Many schools have access to guidance counsellors and can access services for children quite quickly when a need arises. 9. Grief should not be hidden or covered up. Feelings of grief should be expressed and sympathetically discussed. The way children express their grief is also highly individual. While some children may show tears or cry, others need time to themselves, or to be given physical affection by their parent. 10. Directly ask very sad children if they have ever thought of hurting themselves. The question does not put ideas in their minds. It demonstrates concern and willingness to face and discuss any feelings. 11. Take seriously any talk about hurting oneself, no matter how casual. Consider the reasons why your child might talk about hurting himself. Be calm. Try to get them to talk about their feelings. If this talk persists or if they engage in behavior which is potentially self injurious contact a health care professional for advice. 1. Catastrophic events such as earthquakes, hurricanes, tornadoes, fires or floods are frightening for everyone. It is important to acknowledge the frightening parts of the disaster when discussing it with family members. Falsely minimizing the danger will not end their concerns. 2. Earthquakes are different from other natural disasters in that they can produce intense aftershocks. There is no clearly defined end to the quake and the continued tremors may increase psychological distress. 3. Earthquakes, unlike any other natural disaster occur without warning. This limits or severely restricts an individual's opportunity to make psychological adjustments that can assist in his coping. This lack of predictability significantly lessens a person's feelings of control. 4. Survivors often have to cope with extremely stressful events and on-going reminders of what has happened in the form of sounds of explosions, rumbling of aftershocks, and toxic fumes including smoke, soot and rubber. There may also have been moderate to high death tolls of people around them, including relatives and neighbours. Along with this comes a high risk of contagious diseases depending upon severity of the earthquake. 5. Parents and other care givers should continually remind children that they are there to protect them. Saying things like "We are all in this together" can be helpful. 6. Parents and other caregivers need to be prepared to repeat themselves over and over again to ensure that everyone gets the information they need and that they feel your reassurance. 7. Children will most often take their cues from parents and other adults as to how to respond. They need to be careful about what they say and how they say it. Try to remain as calm as possible. 8. Parents need to look after their own personal needs. The better they look after you own needs the more they can look after those of your family. Make contact with other supportive adults. Avoid using drugs or alcohol as a way of coping. Take brief timeouts where and when ever possible. 9. Try to maintain as many of your normal routines as possible. Incorporate recreational activities to help stabilize your situation. This is particularly important with younger children. 10. Encourage family members to talk about feelings and perceptions of the event. At the same time, do not put individuals in a situation where they feel they have to talk. 11. Family members may have lost something as a result of the disaster. Acknowledge their feeling of loss and respect their need to go through a period of grieving. 12. If a child or adolescent is in a temporary residence, provide him with something personal that is a reminder of home. 13. Obtaining support from family, friends, classmates, and teachers needs to be a priority. Having children phone extended family members or getting together with his peers are but two examples. 14. Children and youths may display a number of signs in response to an extremely stressful situation. These may include one or more of the following: irritability, aggressiveness, clinginess, nightmares, school avoidance, poor concentration, and withdrawal from activities and friends. These are all normal reactions and need to be kept in perspective. In most cases they will decrease significantly with time. If, after several months they continue, professional assistance may be necessary. 15. Realize that it is quite normal for children and adolescents to want to discuss their feelings and perception of the event(s) many times. This is completely normal and is a way that they show that they are trying to resolve their feelings around the event. Accept this and be patient with them. 16. Many children and adolescents will adapt on their own over time providing they are living in a supportive home. These children and adolescents, as an example, respond well to offers of assistance from outside sources. Time is indeed a healer for some, providing no pre-existing emotional problems existed. 17. Limit how much TV family members watch, particularly of the news events surrounding the event. Watching the event(s) on TV over and over again may have the effect of magnifying the severity of the incident, just causing extra stress. Actively encourage other activities such as reading, spending time with friends, playing board games, and getting exercise. 18. Discuss what is being done to increase safety in your local community. Information focused on safety will be important. For example, the Red Cross may be distributing food and providing shelter while the different levels of government are providing money to help build new homes. 19. As part of coping with a natural disaster, encourage the individual/family to take advantage of the outside resources that are available to them. This may have a therapeutic effect in reinforcing the notion that other people care about the situation and wish to help. SUPPORT Support is available from: cbtpda@conductmanagement.com LICENSE The license is valid for a single PDA. No part of the program or content may be reproduced or distributed in any format or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system without written permission. DISCLAIMER Users are encouraged to consult with other appropriate professionals before using the strategies in this program. The publisher, producer and distributors of this program will not be liable for any incidental, consequential, or any other damages, arising out of the use of, or inability to use, this product. Content Copyright 2004 BTI For additional information go to www.conductmanagement.com The Behavior Toolbox has been developed by psychologists, teachers, speech and language pathologists, occupational therapists and other professionals through case based research. The Child Behavior Toolbox options offer instant access to solutions in a sound, straightforward way and the main versions have approximately 70 behavior and development topics organized under nine major categories containing more than 2000 intervention strategies. Other Behavior Toolbox products include: Adolescent Behavior Toolbox Internet, CD-ROM, PDA & PDA-DR versions Child Behavior Toolbox Global Professional Internet, CD-ROM, PDA & PDA-DR versions Child Behavior Toolbox Professional CD-ROM version Only For additional information go to www.conductmanagement.com This software contains strategies that are useful for professionals assisting parents and their children cope following a natural disaster. By their very nature natural disasters produce horrific damage to both individuals and their immediate environment. The psychological effects can be among the most difficult to resolve in terms of individuals being able to live normal and productive lives. Depending upon the nature of the disaster, individuals may feel a loss of control, a heightened sensitivity to sights and sounds, recurring nightmares and sleeping difficulties, difficulty concentrating, flashbacks on the anniversary of a specific event, prolonged grieving responses due to the loss of life, property and way of life, and extreme anxiety that the event may reoccur, to mention but a few responses. 0.5